a blog that helped me

the other day I thought of a blog that helped me and that I read on an almost daily basis.

And now I have not followed cause I am too busy and too tired at night

I used to always think that lady

is soo lucky but I now realize she had a much longer road than I had.

I need to read up

she and her blog were almost like my only friends in this for a long time

www.tertia.org

15 months old

and lots of times I still think I am dreaming.

I remember our first night in the hospital together. I could not sleep because I was afraid something would happen to her.

I was afraid to drive in a car with her or bring her around people...it gets better with time.

But I still check to hear her breathes if I watch TV and dont here lil baby sighs for a while.

I still worry.

But in a different way.

She is growing so fast...and wants to try different things every day.

And her momma wishes every day to see her at 6 weeks, 3 months or 9 months again.

Sigh

I am grateful every day for my lil angel

update

so my lil Faith now has 2 teeth and is crawling most of the time but robbing goes so much faster...

she says a handful of words....but tries to talk up a storm even using her hands like she has got this big story to tell...its too cute

and she is practicing throwing a fit when I tell her "no"...its funny and often I have to laugh...

I can not believe how big she has gotten...sometimes I still wanna pinch myself

hmmm

so I always thought that once I have my lil miracle I will be the happiest woman on earth.

And dont get me wrong...most days I am....but then I have days when I go to parks or public pools and see all the "real" families with the mommies and the daddies and I wonder if I am robbing my child of something.

Was it selfish to have a child by myself?

I hope she will never hate me for it....sigh

BUT then I see all the families that fall apart where the dad is a part time figure and that is even less pretty in my opinion...

Sometimes I wonder if it is a woman hormonal thing...that thing that we want more or different...

sometimes we just gotta sit down and think...and remind us again how good we got it...

my lil girl is growing up so fast

I remember the first night in the hospital ...I did not sleep I just stared at her all night...I was soooo afraid she was gonna be gone when I wake up or that something is gonna happen to her. The first week at home when we had trouble breast feeding or she would cry and I could not calm her down I cried with her and I promised her that we are gonna be okay and that I will always love her and that we are so gonna figure this out. And now she is standing up on everything and soon she will walk....sigh ...my lil tiny baby girl is a toddler now

no subject

Today I am soo very happy that someone that I am very close with found what possibly could be the man for the rest of her life...so excited for her....

BUT and I feel BAD ...I am thinking why could this not happen to me? what is wrong with me?
I feel horrible for being a but jealous...
I guess usually I am okay with the fact that I am apparently romatically challenged, but on some days it gets to me...especially when I am tired and did not have enough sleep cause my baby girl is teething....sigh

I need to shake this off or I will feel guilty for being jealous...

am I weird or is this normal?
sigh
But as I have done throughout this blog I will put my smile on and keep on going and try to be a better person.

babies are smart

yes they are...they are down right sneakey... My lil cute angel for example that is in the best of moods all day will cry and scream bloody murder as soon as I leave her room after putting her to bed. I thought I had gotten used to the crying and she was falling asleep sooner BUT now she has a new cry. One that goes straight to your heart. It sounds like something is seriously wrong with her. It makes u feel guilty for letting her cry, it makes u cry, it it it just gets to you...so now I am almost back to square one...I can last 20 min and then there is nothing that can keep me out of that room. Sigh...I swear babies create that special cry to keep their momma close...hehe

1st bday party

Hmmmm what to do for a First Birthday Party? Of course I want everything to be super special and perfect. But she is not gonna know the difference really... Here is what I know so far...I want a pink cake for her...me and one of her grandmas are gonna make and I am gonna use the cake topper from my babyshower...and I wanna get banners and napkins that say 1st Birthday and and I wanna make her a t-shirt that says 1st bday..... and balloons...and oh I wish I could have a cake like on the show cake boss...but I will save that for when the princess has a lil kids bday in school...hehehe we shall see...its all family and grown ups for guest anyways so they are gonna not care for all my pink ideas...haha no matter what its gonna be a great day! I am sooo excited...and a lil said that her first year is already over. Maybe she will have a tooth for her bday...she will not walk yet for sure...

Sweet mommy success.....

or did I just get lucky?

So Sunday after the park my lil angel was asleep within 2o minutes, yesterday within 12 min

and today all I had to do is to read her good night story twice and she had her eyes closed....then I walked out and she cried for a minute and then she was asleep...

Sweeeet!!!!

I am sooo proud of myself that I made it thru all the crying...I know its probably not over yet.

But this good, I can do it!!!

we love the outdoors

so me and the lil lady love to be outdoors... we go walking twice a day otherwise my lil girl will not sleep. She loves snoozing in fresh air no matter if it is cold, raining or hot...she is a real fresh air fanatic...haha So you would think all this walking would make me loose some weight, but nah I had to stop eating like a horse first...I am now deprieving myself of a lot of foods for a while ...10 more pounds till my pre pregnancy jeans... but y'all dont worry about me I am still sneaking in a small piece of pie here and there...hehe And once we got this sleep thing down I will exercise more too. Hey I gotta be bikini ready so I can go to the pool with my girl and her grandma. Today was an absolutely beautiful warm day and I hope we will have another one today so we can hang out in the backyard...we got a new swing we gotta try out. yeap we love the outdoors and pretty soon we are ready for lil day trips

sleep training

so my newest project is sleep training. and it sucks. So my lil one has always slept in her own bed...but for a few weeks now she cries as soon as I put her near the bed. So we have started sleep training...meaning I have to let her cry and cannot take her out except for changing diaper... The first night I cried...the second I cleaned the whole appartment the third night I cleaned again...so lets see how long this takes cause it is like pure torture for me. Sigh

doing good

quick update we are doing good..no we are doing great. trying to settle into a bed routine. boy that is not easy but I am soo enjoying being a mommy no matter how hard it is sometimes Happy Spring will try to organize my time better and blog more often

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY

Happy Valentines Day everyone!

I think for the past 10 years I never had a Valentine.....somehow I always ended up single on this happy day....well I guess I am a little romatically challenged anyway.
Usually I am always depressed on VDay....
This year I don't need a man...I have my lil angel that smiles at me and scratches at me and kicks me...that is good enough for me.
She is my angel and I love her soooooooooooo much.
Happy Valentines Day to the Love of my Life....my lil daughter.

should I start a new blog?

So I have been thinking about this for a while and got an encouraging comment as well.
I really would like to start a new blog just about being a mom but then I always think my life of mommyhood would just be soooo plain boring ...haha
although it keeps me busy.

But we really don't do anything really exciting or interesting.
We are slowly building our lil routines. Like a going to bed routine and we are doing pretty darn good. We gotten over the first cold, started waiving ....
and are babbling up a storm.
Still no crawling but working on it.

Life is technically really boring cause we really don't do much but to me it is exciting with every new day because I get to see that lil smile and be excited about all the new stuff my lil angel figures out every day.

It's funny how long it took for me to realize she really is mine...I can't even explain it.

Somedays I wish she would crawl or walk already and somedays I wish she would be 3 weeks old again....sigh

Happy New Year

Happy New Year everyone!!!!

wow my little one is already 8 months old...how time flies...
we are moved in to our own place now and are starting our own daily routines.
She is turning around and sometimes back....she is sooo eager to try walking forgetting that she cannot ...its funny

Every day is a new adventure and I am loving every minute of it. Even though by 8pm I am sooo tired I could go to bed...haha

My prayer for this year are with everyone trying to have a baby...may your dreams come true...the road is hard ....never give up!!!

smiles and hugs to everyone!!!

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas to everyone

I wanted everything to be oh so perfect for my lil baby girl....but I am in the middle of my apartment being finished remodelling and moving stuff in and putting furniture together so I had a tree late and decorated late and that just drove me crazy.

But then it snowed and we have a white Christmas and that is just awesome. Plus my 7 months old does not exactly care about xmas anyway.....haha...or presents for that matter.

Hope everyone has a blessed holiday and I will pray for everyone to have their wishes come true as mine has.

hugs to everyone and a merry christmas

winter and xmas season

wow how time flies...my lil angel is almost 7 months old now.
she has seen her first snow, eats food out of a glas and instead of taking 3 hrs to eat she now takes 3 hrs to go to sleep...hahaha
but I am loving every minute I get to spend with her.
I am truly blessed and sooo very happy.

I miss my old home in the States...but I will be okay....yeap

oh and I have no idea what to buy her for xmas...thoughts?

we are doing great

my lil one is absolutely adorable...she adapted well to her new surroundings...we spent a lot of time outdoors and she got a great color now.

It is so funny how people say she looks like me...haha..,how could she?

I was soooo worried about that but I do not care..she is beautiful no matter who she looks like

AND she has a little birth mark that is similar to one I had in the same spot when I was a baby.....maybe a sign of god to let me know she is ALL mine no matter what?

wow I think this whole experience made me a lil religious...smile

the most important thing....while I walk with her in her stroller out in the fields on a beautiful fall day...I realize that I am HAPPY...sigh

this is my love at one day old...

sigh,..,,sooo busy

omg I feel so bad for not posting anymore.

Well we have not successfully moved to Europe. My lil angel was an absolut trooper on the long flight.,..she just slept...she is awesome. The decision to move was not easy but I am from a small village where we have family, the air is clean and fresh, its not to hot to be outside like it was in Texas. And she is gonna be surrounded with family. We can walk to the post office, the grocery store and to grandpas....its sooo nice.

Of course I miss all my friends in the US but I believe I did what is best for my lil angel.

Its not always easy but we are gonna make it.

update

sorry for being such a bad blogger...but wow my lil angel has kept me soooo super busy.
I am happy when I get food and sleep but I am loving every minute of it.

so I am moving back to Europe after 17 years...we are all packed ready to go and leaving the end of the months.
And once things are all settled in...I promise I will blog more.

Dont give up on me yet