Patch # 2 tonight

so tonight I get to take my first patch of and put number 2 on.

And I still have about 2 weeks till anything else happens.

So I am really anxious and as always trying not to be excited.

Hmmm what do I do for 2 weeks how do I chill?

I feel like I can almost not sit still....sigh

So I am just trying to occuppy my time very usefully...

Maybe I should cook or bake something....hmmm

or just simply clean my house....lol

starting the Patches

So today I started the Vivelle-Dot patches and I am still injecting the Lupron shots. And my appointment this week went well ...everything looks great.
Got another one in 14 days and then they will let me know if this is gonna happen or not...

I am scared and I am kinda excited...heck I don't really know how to feel.

sigh

mood strange

mood: very strange

Sometimes I wonder if god (and I am not even sure anymore that I believe in god because of all of this) has a reason for doing all this to me.
Am I a bad person? Will I be a bad mother?
Then I hate myself immediately for saying it or writing it out.
I am sometimes so afraid that something I did caused all this. What did I do wrong?

mood: cry baby

time to get back to happy mode....I can do this ...yes I can...

mood: good

yes I am in a good mood...had a great weekend.
Reconnected with a few old friends. Some which of I thought I would never see or talk to again.
so I am really in a good mood.
I am calm and content.
So all I can do is keep doing what I have to do and wait for my next Doctors appointment and wait what they tell me.

doing okay

So I am doing okay...I am kinda dreaming and I am kinda excited.

And of course I feel almost guilty for it. I guess in my head I somehow believe that if I do not get to excited about what could be in a few weeks that I will not fall so far if it does not happen?

Well it made sense in my head....maybe not written down.

So I am trying to keep all positive and happy.

Which is not easy for me....but hey I have come this far...

yeah me.

Doing the Lupron shots has been kinda easy...it does not even hurt.

Hey I could almost become a nurse now...lol

soo tired but good

So my week started off with way too much drama. Turns out I owe my clinic $35 for an office visit. And that is why the woman caused me all this drama on Monday. Wow so unnecessary. But I let my nurse know. She always makes me feel better and puts be back to calm and normal.
Also I am doing acupuncture twice a week again. I need all the calm I can get.
Also we are doing acupuncture treatments in preparation for transfer.

Today is my 3rd day of the Lupron shots. And I am doing so well with injecting them. I am so proud of myself.

For some reason being this close seems unreal...surreal?
and it is a little scary for some reason....hmmm

Very strange indeed and I am trying not to be excited.
But I am calm and that is good.

I can do this...yes I can!!!!

My fertility clinic sucks

or so I think today.
Everytime I have an appointment I see different people who know nothing F-ing about me. Today I got all my meds and start Lupron shots tomorrow...no time line no idea how long...no further info given.
I asked for a schedule or calendar like they gave me the last time. So I was handed some paper that did not make any sense to me and told to put a date on.
These people stress me sooo much that I am so afraid.
Then I get to the check out and the gal has to talk to some other chick forever.
Then she comes back to tell me that they are REVIEWING my account.
Oh let me guess ...y'all want yet more money? I told her to define reviewing which of course she would not.
so now I have another appointment next thursday (and hell no i don't even know what for) and then I am sure they are gonna hit me for more money.
Well good luck....I am about taped out.

Stress cannot be good can it?

I hate my infertile life!!!!!

still recovering from Surgery

So I am still recovering from surgery. I feel so tired and worn out...didn't think I could feel any more tired and unmotivated...but I do.
Was already tired before...lol

well one more week and I have another ultrasound to see if everything is okay
and then we go on from there...

mood: kinda excited and kinda proud of me

Hysteroscopy went well

So my hysteroscopy went well. Or so they say! Check up in two weeks.
I must say for some reason I was really scared and just worried.
The nurses and all the doctors were so nice and sweet that it made it really easy.
I made this hurdle so ...bring it on...next hurdle please

mood today: confident.!!!!

yeah!