definitely kicking now

So the lil one is definitely kicking now....for a little bit in the morning and a little bit in the evening....

Except for today I cannot get comfortable...I feel bloated, my tummy hurts and I am just exhausted and have barely done anything today..so I am just resting. And hope that I feel normal again tomorrow.....

Just having a bit of an off day I guess.

ehhhhhh

So my doc tells me I gained to much weight in the last 4 weeks and to lay off the sugar and carbs....

OOOOPS

I am a little freaked out and had my lil feelings hurt.
BUT
So I am eating no sweets or sugary stuff....but come one everything has freaking carbs in it...sigh

And I am a health food nut so I should be okay...we shall see

sigh

crazy dreams

So I had some crazy pregnancy dreams again...whew
I dreamed that my baby was 3 months early and I had no car seat, no diapers and that sort of thing...
And a lot of other crazy stuff....and I woke up at 5am and needless to say did not wanna go back to sleep..haha
So I did my shopping early, finished one of my baby registries at the store and got a pedicure...all in all I had a very productive day.
And I am very determined to get the rest of my stuff in order as soon as possible. I wanna be ready...

too many things in my head

So I am just sitting here and checking my email and playing on the computer and I find myself worrying about baby stuff. Since I live alone like how do I take out the trash when me and the baby are home. I am not gonna leave a one week old alone or take him/her to the dumpster with me....ehhh...am I weird for worrying about stuff like this? sigh

the other day i dreamt that some nurse was demanding a name for the baby and I couldn't think of one...sigh

lol....I am such a dork

Tirami Su

today I went grocery shopping and I saw tirami su in the yoghurt isle...so I thought ...yeappee I love that lets buy some...
So I started eating one after my lunch today. And all of a sudden I felt like I was having a little buzz. So i read the label and then it hit me that there is alcohol in there....how can I be soooo FREAKING STUPID...
Now I am in a complete and utter panic.
I went to the internet of course to try and search for info...did not find much. But I figure how much alcohol and caffeine can be in 8-10 teaspoons of tirami su...I did not even eat half of the little thing...and tossed it...
But I felt a tini buzz since i have not had alkohol or caffeine since May and July.....

god I feel horrible.....please lil one forgive your stupid mom

no worry about my weight

so for the first time in my life since I was 14 years old I am now
NOT WORRIED ABOUT MY WEIGHT
wow it feels so liberating to say that...
Yes Ladies I do not care about my weight...all I want is what is best for the baby.
Gosh makes me realize how I was always struggling to be in shape or thin or not to be called fat or stuff like that....although I have not really exercised or done much for weight loss in the past six years I never forgot and never stopped worrying...sigh....
women...the crap we go through and mostly just for others hardly ever for us.
Although if I get over 200 lbs I would be a little concerned.....haha

my blog

I love getting comments were someone tells me they like reading my blog and it helps them to continue in their journey. When I first started my journey I could not talk to anybody because nobody knew and because I could not really find any support online.
I figured if I just blurt my thoughts out on the internet I would feel better and by some fat chance someone will read it and it may help them feel better too.

If I can just help one woman feel better for a few hours that makes me so happy.....because I will never forget the tough times I went through. The lonely hours of despair and nobody to talk to or help.

Thanks sooo much to all my blog readers and supporters

23 weeks

So tomorrow will be 23 weeks...yeah
And I finally look a little more than bloated..hehe...I am getting my baby bump....not enough yet so people in stores start being friendly to me...haha

Today is not my day....have a stomach ache and slight nauseous feeling since 3 am this morning....ehhh

OMG......

....how many times a day can one woman peeee?
I am almost tired of going I go so often during the day.
And I get up 2-3 times at night...sigh
I feel like I have been to every bathroom in every store....
And the totally weird thing is between 1-4 is my high-peeing time or whatever you may call it. Between those hours i have to go every 20-30 minutes.
I go before I leave work and barely make it home and I takes me about 15-20 minutes to get home.

Wonder if there is some kinda record ...how many times a day can you go?

sorry but i have been wondering about this for days....lol...sigh

do I have to exercise during pregnancy?

Okay so I am not trying to make excuses but first I was so nauseous I could not possible even think about exercising.
Now I bought me a pregnancy fitness DVD by Denise Austin. I have plenty of her DVDs.
So I tried that and I just cannot do it....squats give me cramps and hurt...
and then my sinus is so messed up I could not breathe.
So I stopped....
maybe I will try again some other day.

Lets face it I have not been a big exerciser for the past few years so do I have to do it now?

sigh

20 minutes of pure bliss..

....u know when you eat that perfect piece of chocolate or dessert and you find yourself moaning a little?
That is me taking a 20 minute hot shower to soothe the muscles in my cramped neck and back.....ahhhhh....bliss
even my head stopped hurting a little...

ahhhhh...hot showers are my bliss right now since chocolate gives me migrains ....sigh

22 weeks 1 day.....

driving myself crazy....

....over what crib or baby bed to buy....lol
I am usually a very matter of fact person...and being undecided about anything is not me....this being wishi-washi is foreign to me...and I find it a little nutty.
SIGH
I used to be more organized and a decision maker.
So maybe I should set myself some deadline and by that day I have to make a decision....
grrrr...this drives me nuts

sinus headache and fatigue

so my sinus is killing me...probably from being stuffed up every day.
they should make a mini humidifier that I can carry with me everywhere i go so I can breathe.

So work just leaves me beat cause the air is so dry.
Time for a nap with my relaxing music for baby and mommy...yeah

kicking or not kicking & the worry phase

so I am still struggling to figure out if I am being kicked or not...sigh
I feel soo stupid not knowing...but every mommy tells me I will feel plenty of kicking soon....sigh

It is soo weird I always thought I would feel pregnant when I am pregnant.
I felt nothing at first...then sick as a dog for 13 weeks and now I just feel bloated and look fat and bloated...haha

heck people still cannot tell I am pregnant unless I tell them.
But I am not complaining.....
I kinda feel that there is something going on in there...and on some days it makes me warm and fuzzy and on some days it scares me....
I wonder if I can handle a baby....but then I remember I practically raised my former goddaughter when her mom left her with me to go off and party and I never had any problems....ran out of patience or did not know what to do or was scared taking care of her...

I think right now I am just in the worry phase....
I have crazy dreams about that too....

So still not sure if that was really a kick....I feel like I should know...sigh

first kick?

I think I may have felt my first kick this morning at work....
but maybe it was gas? lol
what do I know....sigh
soon I will know the difference I am sure...just gotta be patient...

SMILE

work is my worst enemy

as always...
it was my enemy while trying to get pregannt....because of the stress.
And it is my enemy now.
In between....

• no support from co-workers
• bosses that do not care
• construction
• noise, dust, cold
• idiots
• the hideous maternity clothes they make me wear

I wish I would not have to work....

Don't worry I won't let it all get to me....but i still wish I would not have to go....sigh

I envy the woman that does not have to work during pregnancy or when she is a mother....they should consider themselves very very very very lucky.

It is a generous gift...

burned my belly again

okay so apparently I am retarded.
I burned my belly again while cooking on the rim of the pan...
and my belly is not even big....my god maybe I should stop cooking.
It is not bad but it burns and is red.....baby is gonna kick the crap out of me soon if i keep doing this.

Sorry kiddo....your mommie did not mean to.

still struggling with baby gear

So I am still struggling with what baby gear to buy

• bassinette + crib + travel crib


• crip + travel crib


• bassibnette + crib

I am soooo confused...

Also shopping if you don't know if it is a boy or girl is almost impossible. I am almost afraid of having to pick stuff for a baby shower...sigh

The closest I got is a Winnie the Pooh theme. It is kinda growing on me and I figured I can accessorize for boy or girl later or go all nuts and if it is a girl and go all pink and princess...hehe

so here is my crib favorite so far...

its a convertible crib with the changer

Unfortunately I am so undecided these days on everything and very easy irritated. So hopefully I will figure this out soon...sigh

latest baby pic

So I am done with all my specialist visits...and everything looks great.

I also had another visit with my regular doctor. And I decided to keep her even after the horrible ultrasound experience a few weeks back were I was in lots of pain and the technician treated me like shit.

I made it clear I do not want that woman near me again.

Apparently I at one point I told my doctors office I did not want an Amnio.

Just as well. I am sorry once you here the first heartbeat of the baby there is no way back...you are a mommy and want that baby. And all I can do is be as healthy and calm as I can and hope for a healthy baby that is gonna love his/her mommy.

so here is the latest....I just love this profile shot of my little one

still finding it hard to tell the truth and the whole truth

so I have been down a long long road and yet I still have only told about a handful of people the whole truth.

It is truly amazing how oddly people react when you get pregnant with a sperm donor. Apparently it would be more socially acceptable for people or maybe just easier for them if i would have fucked around with some looser and then accidently gotten pregnant by having unprotected sex...

Truly amazing how truly ignorant the people in my immediate life are.

I did not even have the guts to tell my parents about the egg donation part or any of my co-workers because their strange reactions about the sperm donor and the fact that I am not getting married already upset or shocked them.

Am I a coward? yeah maybe....but for right now I am just trying to be as happily pregnant as possible..

Baby first and everyone else last....

what's been going on with me?

so what is new with me?

Well I had family in town and was not on the computer much because I actually had a life for once...haha

I had a lot of fun...and most important I have been able to eat and have been growing a little baby bump in hte last 2 weeks...guess food tastes better now and it is nice not to have to eat alone. Now my company is gone and I am super depressed...been crying all day. Took me two hours to finally get up and start laundry. And I am already not hungry again.

And what really aggravates me the most is that most of my so called friends no that my family left today so ...hello could someone care?

hmmmmm