So I am already on break form egg donation and was trying acupuncture for almost a year now...no success at least not for the using of my own eggs.
Anyways so now I am taking a break from everything and am gonna go on a little vacation and then I am pretty sure I will go back to egg donation. Lets face it I may run outta time here soon altogether....
So lets hope I can relax enough to enjoy my vacation....we shall see!!
I am gonna try to have fun and enjoy every minute of it.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Sunday, September 21, 2008
back to egg donation?!?!
so I think I have made up my mind? or haven't I?
Why do I care so much if I have a child with my egg or someone else's?
Let's face it how many kids do not look like their parents?
My cousin has two kids and one looks nothing like her or her husband.
Why do i care?
shouldn't I just want a child? Let's face it I am not getting any younger.
Why do I care so much if I have a child with my egg or someone else's?
Let's face it how many kids do not look like their parents?
My cousin has two kids and one looks nothing like her or her husband.
Why do i care?
shouldn't I just want a child? Let's face it I am not getting any younger.
Saturday, September 13, 2008
just tired
Today I am jsut tired and a little confused.
I slept till noon....and now I have no energy and don't feel like doing anything or even being awake...too lazy to go a litle shopping and to make me anything to eat.
i jsut kinda don't care about anything today.
I slept till noon....and now I have no energy and don't feel like doing anything or even being awake...too lazy to go a litle shopping and to make me anything to eat.
i jsut kinda don't care about anything today.
Friday, September 12, 2008
a poem I came accross
Rod McKuen once wrote in one of his poems:
"I live alone.
It hasn't always been that way,
but for a time
I've had to stay within myself.
Still, it's nice somethimes
to open up the heart a little
and let some hurt come in.
It proves you're still alive..."
I like it and I feel that way
"I live alone.
It hasn't always been that way,
but for a time
I've had to stay within myself.
Still, it's nice somethimes
to open up the heart a little
and let some hurt come in.
It proves you're still alive..."
I like it and I feel that way
Monday, September 8, 2008
Holding on
so I am once more holding on for strength.
I am not sure what to do.
And work is stressful. some of my so-called friends dump loads of their family problems on me....and I do not wanna hear it. It stresses me out. I have not been sleeping well and if I do sleep I have night mares or I keep waking up. then I was all excited or tried to be to go home for x-mas and I already got family drama dumped on me too. So my excitement about going home for x-mas has already turned into big anxiety and a must not a joyful vacation from my daily stress.
I came to the conclusion today that people seem to think I am made of stone and they can just tell me anything and I do not care...
well newsflash I do...and it stops me from freaking sleeping at night...
jeeeez
Why are people so selfish...gosh suck it up and keep it to yourself...I DO...I HAVE TO every freaking day.
I am not sure what to do.
And work is stressful. some of my so-called friends dump loads of their family problems on me....and I do not wanna hear it. It stresses me out. I have not been sleeping well and if I do sleep I have night mares or I keep waking up. then I was all excited or tried to be to go home for x-mas and I already got family drama dumped on me too. So my excitement about going home for x-mas has already turned into big anxiety and a must not a joyful vacation from my daily stress.
I came to the conclusion today that people seem to think I am made of stone and they can just tell me anything and I do not care...
well newsflash I do...and it stops me from freaking sleeping at night...
jeeeez
Why are people so selfish...gosh suck it up and keep it to yourself...I DO...I HAVE TO every freaking day.
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
I can't cry
Well I feel like I should cry since I most likely have to give up the idea of having a child with my own eggs and have to go back to egg donation.
But somehow I seem to be used to dissapointments and all negative happening and don't even know how to cry.
I left a message for my shrink because I figured I should talk, but surprise now she does not want to see me...told me she is booked to call back in a month....well ain't that nice.........thanks.....that does not make me feel at all rejected.
shit if your shrink does not want anything to do with ya.
Oh boy!
I am just defeated, tired, anxious and very clueless on what to do.
I am tired of being moody, feeling like shit everyday and tired of waiting, tired of my job and my so called friends..........I am just tired....wish I could do an early wintersleep and jsut sleep for 6-8 months.
But somehow I seem to be used to dissapointments and all negative happening and don't even know how to cry.
I left a message for my shrink because I figured I should talk, but surprise now she does not want to see me...told me she is booked to call back in a month....well ain't that nice.........thanks.....that does not make me feel at all rejected.
shit if your shrink does not want anything to do with ya.
Oh boy!
I am just defeated, tired, anxious and very clueless on what to do.
I am tired of being moody, feeling like shit everyday and tired of waiting, tired of my job and my so called friends..........I am just tired....wish I could do an early wintersleep and jsut sleep for 6-8 months.
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