Many thanks to the comments I get.
I used to think I am the only one, so much felt like a freak of nature. Is it me or have there been more pregnant people in 2007 then ever before. Hell they are everywhere. When someone at work announced they are pregnant I kept "this smile" pasted to my face until it hurt and then went to the bathroom to have a mini nervous breakdown, but not enough so that people could not tell.
Heck I felt like I lost the ability of being happy for people I just hated them. Hey and then there were a few celebs my age like Jennifer Lopez or Halle Berry that did not have kids yet.
Now these traders are pregnant too....lol
I have gotten a little better ....I do not hate all pregnant people any more.....sigh
I am happy for them.......but a little sad always.
I always feel like I am gonna be the only one left.
So all the comments or references to other sites I get do help. This blog...just writing about it has helped and if it just helps one other person to not feel like a freak or "The only One" then I feel good.
So here is a site that was suggested to me. THANKS Anonymous!!!! I love it.
Boy that lady went thru a looooooooooooooooong time of trying....holy crab!!!
Makes me depressed...sigh
http://tertia.typepad.com/so_close/2004/05/ivf_barbie.html
So I am a veteran Barbie. But I refuse to ever have gray hair....and although I have put on some weight I will not do the stretch pants.
Yeah I have my ups and downs but I have a few perky girly moments left...hehe
Oh and Anonymous don't give up.....we gotta think positive!!!! Even if it hurts...hehehe
Apparently,according to my acupuncturist, our brains are smarter than we are. If we think negative our brain picks that up and runs with it. Yesterday he explained to me that when I have a headache and think : Oh shit this really sucks I hate my headache, that makes your brain pick up only the negatives and that makes it worse.
Well holy crab I have been giving myself headaches and migraines for over 20 years. LOL
So he showed me several points to tap in my face and then I have to say that I do accept my headache and don't say anything negative. So I tried it yesterday and it worked....genius.
I feel like I gained a life couch too.
So since I am a Capricorn I am unfortunately a pessimist....but hey I am teaching this ol' dog new tricks....So I am trying to be all positive and if it kills me....hehe
Also what I have found helpful in my struggles is Guided Imagery that my psychiatrist suggested. Sometimes they make me cry but mostly they make be better.
They are by Belleruth Naparstek
http://www.healthjourneys.com/
There is one CD series for coping with infertility. It is very calming although I have issues with relaxing...
Next I wanna get the one for sleep...need that one.
Also what I try to do positive for me is instead of just paying of my fertility bills .....I now also treat myself every now and then with a manicure or pedicure...going shopping for some cute top to make me feel like the woman I still am...although I don't feel it all the time.
So I am trying and like I said before I am stronger than I thought I was.
I ROCK....lol
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