Infertility is getting the best of me!!

Well a lot of not so good things have happened.
Apparently my stress level is hindering my process.
My acupuncturist had a good lil talking to me. And trust me finding out that u are your own worst enemy is not a great feeling.
Finding out that the job u used to love makes u miserable, not good either.
But I have no self-esteem, no clothes that fit me and no confidence that I will find a job right now. I am way to scared. So I try to make the best out of this one.
I only worked 3 days this week and look and feel like shit.
I am not sure what I am gonna do.
And then I hurt my back and now we are treating that so I can walk, then we go back to my female issues. Also since I cannot work extra hours right now.....money is low.

Gosh I need a break.

Someone throw me a bone...can't something decent happen to me?

don't feel like posting right now

I don't much feel like spilling my guts on blog these days.
I also injured my back and are now working on that before I worry about my infertility again.

struggling

I am tired of waiting....maybe having a child of my own is not worth it.
maybe I should adopt......I am tired of being depressed and miserable.
I am always depressed...I either drink, eat or shop...mor so eating and shopping
and the bigger I get the more miserable I get.
On the weekends i don't even wanna get outta bed.

All I do is work to pay my insane medical bills.......yeah what a live.

Trying to do better

Well I am trying my hardest to do better emotionally. I am tired of being moody an depressed. I have no energy to do nothing.
And I am sooo tired of it.
I am seriously considering doing weight watchers again. I put off loosing weight and exercising for 2 years almost because I thought I would be pregnant at any time.
yeah right....
could have lost half of me by now or look like a body builder....lol

i just wish I would have the willpower to wanna succeed at anything like a diet.
I get depressed I eat......
but I do need to get out of this slump

sigh.............I must keep going

Infertility sucks

I have just started a new cycle so I am trying to be all positive no matter how much like shit I feel no matter how depressed I am.
I gotta keep going...I just have to.......
So I continue to measure my temp like a good girl and keep on smiling no matter how bad I feel.

I will not let this get me down........ I can do this

don't wanna do this anymore

Well my female stuff is more messed up then ever...2 periods within 2 weeks...althought this one is more my normal date.
I don't hold out much hope anymore for ever having my own child.
All I see right now is me soending thousands and thousands of money every month
and I got nothing to show for.
Heck I could have had a complete body makeover for all the money I have spent.
Or taken a trip around the whole damn world...not that I would have enjoyed it.
Heck I don't enjoy anything anymore. I have been in this rut that I cannot get out. I never have any energy for anything....Cleaning or shopping or anything.
The only thing I do is go to work so I can pay of my debt. And half the time I do not even know how I dragged myself to work. Guess I only go there because it pays my outragous bills...
Other than that I do not even wanna leave the house. I feel fat, ugly and like a broken woman...not a real woman and I feel like everyone looks at me like that poor childless woman that is to stupid to have children.

I am just so tired of defining my whole life by this one thing that is wrong with me that affects everything and has for about two years.

I am just not me anymore.........and I HATE IT