I am still kinda stressing.....but I am trying hard to keep it together. Yesterday I received a bill from my clinic. Another thousand bucks and I did not understand the bill. So I called them and made the final decision not to use the donor that we have been waiting for for 6+ months because of CMV that she has. Heck I am spending all this money I want a healthy donor. Plus I told the clinic that I never knew anything about her. Never saw a profile, never saw a picture, never knew nothing because every time I go into the clinic it was all rush rush like assembly line and by the time I was ushered out the door I had a lot of questions. My psychologist suggested for my last visit to make a list. I did and I had like ten questions on there and I never got to ask them cause they called me and called everything of till January. Well now I called it off. So if acupuncture does not get my own eggs working I have to start allover. Which scares the heck outta me.
Needless to say I could not sleep last night, I listened to my guided meditation CD 3 times and just started crying and could not relax. So I turned it off and watched TV for hours until I finally fell asleep.
And today first the first time in all my acupuncture treatments that I did not completely relax and doze off. I felt bad. So I got an extra quick relaxing massage and felt better. But I just feel like every time I cannot relax or sleep I am ready for a panic attack....feels weird....
Tonight I am doing okay....no crying...so I am trying and trying my best. I cannot give up!!!!
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