okay so I am not generally I shiny happy go lucky person...but at least I have a happy medium where I can interact with other humans.
Not so now....if I go somewhere i just sit there...don't participate in conversation and do not want to talk to anybody and get really easy upset or aggrevated if one person says something wrong or something I understand wrong...I can't tell the difference anymore....
I can not go around people because I make everyone miserable and the SAD part is I have no control over it. I try to be happy and postitive but It is just not working anymore.
I have cancelled all planned activities with my friends for the weekend.
I have not cleaned my house in two weeks and I cannot remember how many days ago I had a shower....and that is about as far from my character as mars.
And I have been trying to eat my depression away in the past few days.
so once again I look pregnant .....but I doubt I will be
the weird part is...after this 2nd IVF transfer I felt different and it gave me such up. I would sometimes lay there and rub my belly...not on purpose just automatically ....wondering what it would feel like....when I could feel pregnant.
I was very confident that I could be pregnant....then all of a sudden....I started big fight with my boss at work and got horrible upset for being discriminated once again...then i have just been upset with everything and everybody and adapted a mood of I do not care any more and I just want this over with....
and cried and ate for 2 days.
i have been nauseous almost every day and my stomach just bugs me in all sortsa places.
Today I am kinda calm but have such a heavy heart and feel the headache and depression creeping in.
I can't fix it is what sucks the most...and if things go wrong next week i am gonna blame myself.
And to make me wanna leave the house even less I am now breaking out like a teenager...on my back and my neck and cleavage....thank god not the face or not badly anyway. And it is hot and I have to be in tshirts covering up.
I hate when i feel like this....I don't like feeling depressed and hermit at home.
I miss my friends and I regret not telling them yet. But I am soo afraid
because the 3 initial people I told ....they could care less and are pretty much outta my life.
Well I am gonna stop watching QVC now before I buy something ...since shopping and food makes me happy...sad i know
and I am going to clean and do laundry and then clean me up and make me some homemade pizza.....
I read somewhere before or saw on a talk show how u should put a tiara on while cleaning to alwyas remain the princes...lol ...I have one from a halloween costume so maybe I will do that...
I hope I won't accidently leave the house like that when I take the trash out...
okay pressing on...tiara on head...smile on my pimpled face...
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