I am my own worst enemy ....

yet again I seem to be my own worst enemy.
I try so hard...I try so damn hard to be in a good mood and put on a brave face every day. I hate to cry because i think it is such a weakness. And i had to cry after trouble at work because then I think they have won.

Well according to my acupuncturist that is what is causing my stress. WORK of course and trying to be all happy. I need to cry.

Great!!!

I worked a double shift and cannot even relax or sleep so I got me a 8 oz bottle of one of those Smirnoff drinks at the gas station. Yeah the clerk looked at me all sad like he thought I do this all the time. No buddy, I usually do not get uselessly drunk so I can blare loud music into my headphones and have me a good cry.
No I do not....
because I am trying sooooo hard to be a mom that I had stopped drinking caffeine, stopped drinking alcohol, no junk food and I had lost 20 lbs and try to exercise to be a good and healthy mom.

But it seems every 3-4 months now I have to get drunk and have me a good cry to survive.

The stress at work is killing me, it is killing my efforts. And yet I cannot afford to quit because I need the money and the insurance.

Turns out stress shows up in the form of sinus problems. Stomach aches and problems.
And my latest and favorite. Chest pains. So bad that I think I cannot breath or go on at work.

So yet again by trying to do so good and be so brave I am my own worst enemy.

GREAT....

yeah life sucks and infertility sucks even more .....especially today.

I cannot remember the last time I felt this bad and fell this deep.