wanna roll over and give up.....

But I am NOT going to. Hell no!
Well I did my blood test on the 2nd day of my period. I got my results. Estrogen 100 and it supposed to be 50....well shit. Also I have a cyst....well what else is new....I have them all the time.
So I was a little devastated yesterday....I thought I was prepared...
I kinda felt like smoking a cigarette and I haven't smoked in ten years. Then I felt like getting uselessly drunk but I think I am to grown up for that now..lol...plus I wanna be a mom and not get drunk because I cannot handle being disappointed. Wow I am growing up. Sigh!
I also don't wanna eat to make me happy anymore. I can handle this. One way or another I am gonna have a child, and I am not gonna get drunk when I am upset, I am not gonna start smoking and I am not gonna continue to shuffle food into me.
As of this week I will exercise again. I want my body back that I had before all this started.
I bought a total gym and I am gonna use it.
Hell NO I am not giving up. I will be back at the clinic in 30 days for another test. And then we shall see.

I am not sure how I do it....but I am handling this all better than I would have given myself credit for.

I rock!!!