struggling with my infertility

I am not sure what has changed but I am struggling with everything all of a sudden.
Maybe my little vacation let me see that every one else in my family is normal, or what I consider normal. Married with kids. Sigh. I just feel like my life sucks big time. And I am tired of coping and smiling and telling myself it will ab be okay and worth while.

I thought I had made such great progress. But now I am scared that I may not have. I have been charting my cycle for months now. And when I called my clinic to make an appointment to do some tests to see if my own eggs are gonna work there was a big confusion and I realized I am just a number to them and they had no idea who I was it seemed. That really threw me for a loop. But my psychiatrist which works with the clinic says she has a lot of people complaining about that so it is not just me.
Anyways they do not care about any charts or any progress with acupuncture or anything they are gonna just have me come in on the second day of my period and that will determine how my life continues....I hate it....even my psychiatrist said to be prepared for the bad news to think that my own eggs won't work....well great

Plus my sessions with psychiatrist used to make me feel better, more energized more happy but now i am starting to realize that there is a whole lot more shit wrong with me than just my fertility issues and now i dread going because it makes me more sad and depressed. All stuff I don't wanna think or talk about that gets tied in now.
I just am at a point where I am not as strong as I thought I was and I just wanna crumble on the floor and cry and don't get up for days.

this is one of the times I wish I had someone to shares this with.

Ahhhh gosh.......my life just sucks.....sigh